Corkcicle Chillsner Beer Flow Enhancer

Chillsners are sold in pairs because drinking alone is for losers who feel sorry for themselves, despite the fact that there are starving children in Africa. When inserted, Chillsner's four flow vents allow for a smooth, steady stream of beer from the bottle's mouth, while its rubber stopper creates an airtight seal to prevent any leakage. With Chillsner, drinkers no longer have to decide between chugging their beers quickly or savoring the taste slowly.

Chillsners are sold by the pair because only losers feeling sorry for themselves even though there are starving children in Africa drink alone. Once inserted, Chillsner's 4 flow vents enable a smooth, normal stream of beer from the bottle's mouth, while its rubber stopper creates an airtight seal to prevent side leakage. For the second group of suds, Chillsner can save its partakers from having to choose between guzzling their beers as fast as possible, or sipping slowly on the essence of rodent assholes. There are some beers out there, predominantly those savored by the peoples of the Pacific Northwest, that taste like a skunk's anus no matter what their temperature is, but there are others, such as Heineken, that acquire this flavor only as their chill wanes. After 45 minutes in the freezer, Chillsners insert into and latch onto bottles of brew to maintain optimal ice coldness from swig one to swig final (in my case, swig 3. Just one more thing the Tootsie Roll Pop owl and I have in common.) The Corkcicle for girly white and pink wine now has a version for manly yellow and brown beer.

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