Manual of Rare Deadly Ailments

The manual starts off with a 14-question survey called The Whiteley Index, which helps determine the reader's level of hypochondria (a score of 8 or higher suggests a high likelihood of a health-anxiety disorder). After confirming a strong fear of death from illness, the reader can explore numerous uncommon and difficult-to-pronounce diseases organized by body region. The layout of the disease index is user-friendly and quite persuasive.

The manual opens with a 14-item questionnaire--The Whiteley Index--that establishes the reader's magnitude of hypochondria (score of 8 or more indicates a high probability of a health-anxiety disorder). Once overwhelming fear of death by disease has been verified, page upon page of rare and hard-to-pronounce illnesses, categorized by body part, are open for browsing. Disease listings are easy to navigate, and very convincing. Each includes an overall description, list of specialists to consult, other symptoms, and what to expect by way of progression and treatment. They also rate the disease from 1 to 4, with 1 being the least, and 4 the most, in contagion, pain, and suffering categories. The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You: A Guide to Self-Diagnosis for Hypochondriacs livens up our inevitable march towards death. I love talking about my health almost as much as other people love hearing about it, so those who know me know that in addition to describing my acute lactose intolerance and the chronic back pain I got during a 10-hour drive to Wall Drug a few years ago, I spend my days detailing the litany of maladies and mishaps that could end them. So for me, The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You was truly a godsend. Whereas before I thought I only had to worry about heart attacks, shellfish, all the cancers all the people in my family have died from, the bird flu, getting hit by a cyclist in head-to-toe neon spandex, anthrax, a vehicularly-bound Lindsay Lohan, holding my iPhone too close to my head, the mole on my stomach that's kind of shaped like Guam, cat urine, the Mayan apocalypse, the zombie apocalypse, and Dick Cheney needing one of my organs, now I know there are literally hundreds of pages of afflictions and ailments that could be gnawing slowly away from within, or plotting to strike me dead at any moment from without. Interesting articles about terrifying worldwide health trends and detailed diagrams of the things that might kill you also make appearances throughout the manual. Some to look forward to include: "Health Makes You Sick"; "The World's Most Expensive Pee"; "Brain Tumor"; and "Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva".

Some more items you'd probably like to throw your cash on...

WaterBOB Portable Emergency Water Res...

The WaterBOB Emergency Drinking Water Storage Bladder is constructed from FDA food grade plastic and has the capacity to store up to 100 gallons of clean, safe water for various uses such as drinking, cooking, washing, and flushing during e...

$34.95

 0    72

Electric Head Massager Relaxation Oasis

The electric head massager offers four distinct programs for relaxation and pain relief: deep massage, vibration, heat alone, and music. You can use each program individually or combine all four. Designed to mimic the sensation of human han...

$149.00

 0    67

Airplane Whiskey Set Sky High Decanter

The Airplane Whiskey Decanter & Glass Set is a standout for any home bar and would be an excellent gift for Dad. Similar to the Baseball Bat Whiskey Decanter, the entire airplane bar set has dimensions of 21" long x 18" wide. The parts of t...

$129.95

 0    71

Coros MultiSport GPS Sync Smartwatch

The PACE GPS Multi-Sport Smartwatch from Coros offers phone-syncing capabilities, enabling users to manage notifications from their phone, including calls, texts, and emails. Additionally, the watch utilizes GPS, GLONASS, and BDS satellite ...

$199.99

 0    67

Laser Blaster Phone Game with AR

Jon Atherton is the creator of the Laser Blaster, which was funded through Kickstarter. The shooter console connects to players' phones for firing, using high frequency sounds instead of Bluetooth or WiFi. The phones track shots, scores, an...

$49.99

 0    72

Fire Wire Flex Skewers BBQ Kabob Marvel

Fire Wire's innovative grilling skewers allow for easy kabob enjoyment on the grill. The stainless steel cords, designed in a cable-style, can hold larger amounts of meat and vegetables than traditional skewers. Their flexibility allows the...

$11.99

 0    70

Suction Cup Portable Squeeze Bottles

The 2.2-ounce containers are designed to hang upside down, allowing you to easily press and squeeze out the contents without having to move them. Additionally, the bottle caps can be connected together for added convenience when on the go.

$3.99

 0    77

Underwater Dogs Aquatic Fetching Port...

Underwater Dogs by Seth Casteel features more than 80 stunning pictures of dogs retrieving balls and sticks underwater. These photos unveil a secret realm of doggy mayhem, showing teeth, waving paws, and ears bending under the water's press...

$12.80

 0    69

Wild Dining Ceramic Animal Plates

The Wild Dining Dinner Plates feature wild animals in eccentric attire. Gary Gorilla, Larry Lion, Patricia Panda, Gina Giraffe, Cool Dog, and Cool Cat adorn the 9" ceramic plates, promoting playful dining experiences. Add variety to your di...

$22.99

 0    73

Dragon Incense Chest Gothic Firebreat...

This Gothic dragon incense box not only masks the scent of marijuana in your bedroom, but also earns the approval of Daenerys Targaryen. Its upper jaw can be opened and closed to intimidate young children, while smoke drifts from its nostri...

$41.90

 0    69

H2 MAXX Hydrogen Infusion Water Gener...

According to the company, the device is designed to eliminate ozone, hydrogen peroxide, and chlorine from tap water as it operates, releasing them into a waste chamber at the bottom. Users can select either a 5- or 7-minute cycle for the hy...

$149.99

 0    68

Go Fck Adult Fish Sex Games

If you're feeling more interested in exploring the positions described on the cards rather than playing an actual card game, you can try 52 Sexup: toss the cards in the air and then act out each position as you pick them up. The Go F*ck dec...

$8.99

 0    72

Star Wars The Black Series Prototype ...

The Boba Fett in Prototype Armor from the Star Wars The Black Series is a 6" figure that showcases the franchise's original concept of the bounty hunter as a "super trooper" in white armor. This figure, with its colorless appearance, is hig...

$39.99

 0    73

SweatBlock Clinical Strength 7Day Per...

This listing features a pack of 8 SweatBlocks, each packaged in a shape and size resembling a condom. They are convenient for carrying in your wallet, purse, or even your SOS underwear, guys. For individuals with particularly active sweat g...

$19.99

 0    62

The Equalizer by Lloyd Pans Versatile...

The Equalizer by Lloyd Pans is available in multiple sizes and with different slice options. This model is the 16" / 8-slice cutter. If you want one for your home, they are available for purchase on Amazon.

$230.85

 0    72